Difficult Decisions

3/30/2011
My husband wrote this tonight after we put our dog down...it is beautiful and I could not have said it better...he said I could post it to my blog as well the note on his facebook page...
yet another way to look at "life after losing", I guess...


Good for nothing bag of bones...He will be missed!

Decisions...

As if decisions are not difficult enough on a daily basis today I had to make the ultimate decision to put my dog Homer down. I will tell you a little bit about Homer or 'Homo' as Zachary used to call him when he couldn't say his r's. We found Homer in 2004 just around Christmas time, what a pistol he was, a little rough around the edges. Somehow he won us over and we adopted him. After a bit of time with his new family he settled in pretty well. I don't think I could have asked for a better mutt. I would not change a thing about him.

Memories...

There are a lot of good memories that we have - getting chased by the geese around the pond, stealing a loaf of bread and stashing it under the bed, and getting into Grandma's bag of Life-Savers and hiding them around the house. He was a loyal employee of mine and had been comming to work with me for the past three years. Always on time, even early on most days. His favorite time of day at work was lunch in the summertime, eating on the deck and rolling in the grass soaking up the sunshine.

Fast forward to the present...

Homer was getting older, we never knew his exact age. The vet seemed to think he was older maybe 12 years. Thinking back on the past year I can now see the subtle changes that were happening. He stopped standing up at the edge of my bed to wake us up in the morning, panting a lot due to pain from arthritis along with some bladder issues. Well the time arrived, I knew it would sometime. What a difficult process trying to determine whats best for him no matter how it makes you feel.

The moment...

I was with Homer when he was given the injection. We were nose to nose, I had his head in my hands, and he was looking straight into my eyes. As corny as it may sound I think he knew what was going on. He was very calm and stared at me without even as much as a look at anyone else in the room. He had a look in his eyess that was so trusting - "I understand, I forgive you, I love you, I will be alright now". Then he was at peace. I stayed with him for a while afterward to reflect on his life with us. It was an experience that I will never forget.

Coming Home...

Afterward we drove around for a bit as none of us wanted to go right home. We went and had a quiet dinner. Coming home was tough, I didn't think it would hit me so hard. Everywhere you looked there was Homer, the dog dish, the living room doors closed, the smudge marks on the doors from his nose. Hell even pulling into the garage and seeing the towel I used to wipe his paws after rainy day walks. Tomorrow will be a tough day at work as there will not be four paws under my desk.

The Guilt...

No matter how much you know that it is the right thing to do the guilt is horrible. Did I do enough? Did I fail him in some way? Should I have waited? I did the right thing. Any other choice would have been for my benefit and not his. This was not my first dog but it was the first time I had ever had to do this.

Would I do it again? Is it worth the heartache? YES! I would do it again. We are Dog People. It will be tough as the next doggie has some pretty big paws to fill!

Homer D. Ramsey
?? - 3/30/2010
Not too bright but loved by all!